Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
