I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
