then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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