the condom got lost in my hair
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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