perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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