too bad you live with your parents still
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
