Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
