So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
