I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
