im about as happy as oj after his trial
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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