my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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