how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
