Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have aggressive nipples.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
