I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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