he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
