well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
