Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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