Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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