The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
