thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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