U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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