M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
