Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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