i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
