Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
