I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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