Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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