garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
