Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize