You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize