I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
