This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
