It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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