so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
only if we run a train.
done.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
