You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
