i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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