Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
