The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
