Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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