Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
