i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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