Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
