im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
