No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
