once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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