Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize