You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
