this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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