What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
