your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Found your dick twin last night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
