I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
