his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
