I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Randomize
