Your tits are I can't wait for
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
