I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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