Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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