I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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