Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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