youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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