hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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