Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize