remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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