Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
