Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
