some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
