Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize