my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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