Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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